Jealousy is an ugly thing and part of me wants to keep this post to myself because honestly I it makes me look bad but part of this blog is being real with our struggles and this is one of mine at the moment. Maybe it is rooted in all the new people I am meeting or just where I am in life with my sense of self that I finding myself jealous. I know it eats at my heart and causes me to compare my life and my self to others and that is never good.
Most of the time my jealousy is really a private conversation I have in my head where I put myself down for not being or doing like someone else or I have to find ways to put them down so I don’t feel so bad. It is not a great trait of mine and if I am really honest it has so much more to do with me than anyone else. Usually this ugliness rears its head when I am not satisfied or content with my life and usually it is an agent of change for me.
I have also noticed in our greater society that many women often talk in the up way of speaking. We seem to need to point out our successes and another ‘s failures to compensate for something we are feeling inside ourselves. I like to believe I am not competing with anyone but it does seem on a daily basis I catch myself thinking snide comments or judging another woman friend or stranger which is difficult to admit.
So since this jealousy rooted conversation in my head is usually a sign of some sort of internal discontentment I need to take a little more quiet time to find the true source. I truly wish I could figure out this itch I can’t scratch without going through my jealousy stage but it seems to be a part of my process one I am not proud of but yet it is an ever present part of me and one of my struggles on this journey.