Sometimes I act as if my body is not part of who I am. As Eve Ensler says, I push my body past what it is capable of; I ask of it more than it can give.
I also disconnect things that have happened to my bodies – sex or abuse or judgment – from who I am as a person.
But my body and my mind don’t know that they are separate, and until I – both mind and body – accept that I am not just mind I cannot heal from what has happened to my body.
If I have wounds in my body from my safe, fairly sheltered life, than I cannot imagine the pain that others have in theirs. I can’t imagine what it is to be raped or beaten to near death. Or to have cancer rage through me.
Eve Ensler helps me understand. Maybe she will help you, too.
Suddenly, My Body – Eve Ensler on TED
My dear women, I urge you to take a few minutes and sit through this powerful video. Push through the discomfort we have our bodies and see where Ensler comes out, whole, still scarred, but whole.
I have this amazing husband and I might add from my college days that he is easy on the eyes! Last week my husband had a hard week of work. I mean the hardest I have seen him have in quite a long time. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked multiple times on multiple days. I kept thinking oh this week will get better and to be honest it seemed to get worse with each passing day. Finally it was Friday afternoon and I thought oh good this week is almost over and then a major crisis, a lost package, money lost, unhappy customer and a frustrated beaten down husband. I hate times like this because he is hurting and honestly there was nothing I could do for him except my small gestures of love, lunch, refilling water, listening and encouraging but the hard stuff of his week he had to walk through on his own.
There have been times in our marriage when the roles of this past week were reversed and he had to watch me struggle while he supported and encouraged. One time I can remember very clearly was when I birthed our first child and in the midst of labor (with no drugs I might add, pat on the back for me) I looked up at him and said why isn’t any one helping me. His eyes filled with tears and at that moment I realized there was nothing he could do for me but support, encourage, and pray I had the strength to do what I needed to do. Short of getting a plunger and getting our son out which I asked him to do at one point I had to walk through it on my own.
I think encouraging, praying for, and supporting people is important and helpful to anyone going through a difficult time. There have been times in our marriage where I wanted to swipe my husband’s process and honestly get him to the end I wanted him to have. Sometimes that meant taking his pain and other times it meant getting him to see it my way. I was reminded this past week that walking along side my husband might feel like a helpless place to be at times but walking in front of him and blocking his view does respect his process.
The people I love will go through painful times in their lives, they will struggle, they will question, they will cry, and they will hurt and walking beside them is something, it is powerful and it is respectful of their journey. I never want to rob the people in my life of the experiences that will help shape them and allow them to grow fully into themselves. When the question like I did, “Why isn’t anyone helping me?” I hope they see the tears in my eyes, like I saw in my husband’s eyes, tears that told me I was loved, I was not alone, and I was strong enough to see it through.