Wishing for Barns Instead of Beaches: A Lesson on Negativity   3 comments

Maybe nothing is ever enough for me these days, not even paradise. — Brenda Miller

Picture this.  I am standing at a door of a helicopter that is 20,000 feet (I feel like that’s too high, like we’re out of atmosphere at that point so helicopters would crash, but for the sake of the story, imagine it’s possible, okay?) so I’m standing at the door of a helicopter ready to jump and take my first-ever skydive, and I’ll be landing on a beach where all of my favorite people in the world will be waiting to greet me.  You – yes you –  know this has been a dream of mine for years and years ever since I decided that next to seeing a whale fluke in the middle of the Pacific, nothing could be as beautiful as seeing the earth from the sky with nothing between me and it.  You know I have prepared and talked of almost nothing else for months and months.  You also know I have texted you every time I’ve seen a skydive-related thing, including dogs skydiving in cartoon movies, and except for the one time I actually saw sky divers landing at an airport, you couldn’t have cared less.  So imagine here I am about to fulfill my dream and now yours because, honestly, you just want the texts and obsessing to stop.  I’m ready to jump, and as I’m about to go out the door, I look over at you (oh, did I forget to mention you’re on the helicopter just to be sure I go through with it?) and say, “Man, I really wish I could have had landed in a field with a barn?”  You’d want to throw me out of the helicopter, wouldn’t you?

Skydivers jumping from a helicopterI am the woman with the big dreams, the ability to achieve them, and the propensity to ruin them at the last minute by wishing some small detail was different.  It’s really a talent that Guinness should exploit for its record book (and maybe for its stout, too – or maybe I should just drink more); I’m sure I hold the record for the ability to see the negative thing in any moment despite the glory that surrounds me.  Like seeing the raindrop a mile away and missing the double rainbow that starts at my feet.  Sometimes I am that clueless.

I don’t feel like I’ve always been this way.  I don’t know if it’s life’s challenges that have made me anticipate the negative, if I’m just bracing myself for disappointment because rarely does life live up to its potential.  I think I used to just be excited when good things happened; I didn’t look for the flaw or the weakness.  I just lived.  Each day.  Each moment.  I want to get back there.  I’m going to try.

I want to stand at the door of that helicopter (and one day, I will stand at the door of a helicopter to take that sky dive; you should probably anticipate the texts that will soon barrage your phone.) and see the people I love waiting for me below (this is starting to sound strikingly like a death metaphor – is skydiving really that scary?) and all I will do is smile and say, “Here I go.”

In the meantime, I’m going to find a movie where dogs skydive . . . isn’t there an Air Bud version that does that?


Posted August 9, 2011 by Andi Cumbo-Floyd in Life Lessons

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3 responses to “Wishing for Barns Instead of Beaches: A Lesson on Negativity

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  1. Beautifully done my friend. I so needed that today! When are you sky diving count me in or at least count me in as the person on the plane making sure you do it!

  2. Sky diving?? Really?? I never knew….. haha!! Ya know, I think we all have things happen in our lives that change us — at first it may not seem as though it is for the better, but if we stop and pay attention to those changes they can make us better people as we ‘live on!’ The opportunities for us to become ‘wiser with age’ are endless!! Well, at least in my world! — AND, I’m typically up for an adventure…… 🙂 woo hoo!!!

  3. Pingback: Trying to Cultivate Contentment « Gray Hair and Acne

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