I Am Here: Learning to Be Alone   2 comments

It’s just after 8pm, and I”m in southern Massachusetts, a state – if I’m recalling correctly – I have never spent the night in before.  I don’t know why that matters – I’m not George Washington, so no one’s going to put up a sign that says I slept here, but still, it’s kind of cool.

The sky above me is this amazing shade of lavender, and I can see the moon just coming up, nearly full, through the trees.  In a few minutes, I will climb into the back of my dad’s pick-up and sleep on the eighteen inches of padding he so carefully laid out for me in the bed.  I can’t wait. Ten hours of driving can make a woman tired.Moon in a Purple Sky

I’m on a roadtrip to Canada to visit my friends and their kids.  I could have flown up or taken a train, but from the moment they invited me, it seemed important that I drive the trip, take my time, spend hours alone thinking and praying and reading.  So far – here on night two – it’s been amazing, hard, but amazing.

One thing I have had to learn in this life is how to be alone.  When my husband left, this sense of being alone in the world descended with a weight that I wasn’t sure I would be able to crawl out from under.  Some days I woke up literally grabbing for someone who wasn’t there.  It has taken years to be used to being alone, and I still don’t love it.  I long to crawl into bed next to someone and feel his arm draped across my waist.  I ache to take a road trip like this with someone, besides Facebook, to share what I see with.  I still don’t like being alone.

But I can be.  And on nights like tonight, when the sky is purple and the moon is full, I can even love this time by myself where I can hear the crickets and smell the trees.  I can climb into the back of a red Ranger and read until I fall asleep.

Tomorrow, when I wake to the call of turkeys and the barks of fox kits, I will probably wish to have someone to listen with, but I will still love it.  Because I – I am here to hear it.


Posted August 12, 2011 by Andi Cumbo-Floyd in Uncategorized

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2 responses to “I Am Here: Learning to Be Alone

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  1. There is alone and then there is ALONE. On one hand, what I would not do to have some time alone right now. On the other hand, I can definitely relate to the yearning for an intimate relationship again. Not having that type of relationship is a different kind of ALONE, especially after having experienced it. I can relate to this post so much. But if we can learn to be content to be ALONE, then we will truly have something.

  2. Contentedness is such a gift….in fact, I think its the key to real living. I LOVE Boston…I hope you got to poke around a little while you were there.

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