Finding my rhythm   Leave a comment

I have yet to find my rhythm for this stage of life.  Long ago I accepted that I am not one of those people who will  have a life long rhythm  let’s face it I move to often and change things up in my life for such a constant but overall I like a life rhythm.  For years I have been running at full speed working full-time in a life consuming ministry where I worked weekends, evenings, and many many holidays and in the midst of that I birthed two children just 15 months apart and my husband was starting his own small business while he worked PT as a youth pastor.  It was a wild ride for a few years and to be honest I had a rhythm for that part of my life.  One that worked for me and although it was difficult to sustain and I was content to have that season come to an end I knew how to do it.  I knew how to balance it all most of the time.

Now I am a stay-at-home Mom who has a very flexible schedule and life with few time constraints and anything I don’t get done one day can most likely wait until the next.  I no longer do night time feedings and then work all day.  I have imposed a year sabbatical on myself and asked my husband to hold me to it and to be honest I am finding it difficult at best.  I am not busy.  I don’t race around from one thing to the next.  I have time to think, I guess, because to be honest with 2 toddlers hanging with me I am not spending my time at coffee shops reading books and contemplating life.  I am on the move from the moment I step out of bed until the moment my  head hits the pillow but I have no rhythm.

Lately I have been in the midst of a pitty party comparing myself to other women, mothers, and people.  You know look at how much they do,  look at them working out everyday, look at their clean house, look look look instead of focusing on finding my own rhythm for this stage of life I have been comparing myself to everyone else and envying their rhythm.  This past week I was reminded that someone’s rhythm might work great for their life but if I try to impose their rhythm on my life it just wouldn’t work.  I have to focus on my existence and my family’s rhythm to find something that works for me.

During this past sabbatical year I have realized how much I enjoy having time to breath.  I don’t mean normal breaths we need to take to live I mean deep breaths where I can nurture my soul and the souls of the people around me.  I might not have found my life rhythm just yet but I am working on it and with each day I am a bit closer to finding something that works for me  and my family.  I just have to remember to celebrate with another when they find a life rhythm that works for them and be content to know that my life rhythm might look really different and yet we are both content.  My montra needs to be “don’t compare celebrate”  celebrate for them and for myself as we all look for and find a life rhythm that works for us.

 

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Posted September 15, 2011 by shelvaleep in Life Lessons

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