Missing my bff’s   3 comments

Okay I know most of us at one time or another has had a best friend forever or bff.  You know that person who knows you deeply and loves you in spite of  knowing you that well.  I remember having half a heart necklace in 5th grade and my bff had the other.  I am one of those blessed people who has an amazing group of friends that know me well and love me.  I have some friends in my life since 7th grade but having recently moved across the country I am missing those deep intimate relationships where you don’t have to say a thing and the person knows what you are feeling.  Right now I am building beautiful new relationships with some amazing people who I am sure will one day be those friends who know me and love me.

In the months since our move I have met lots of new people and on a daily basis I chat with people in coffee shops, on playgrounds, at preschool, in music class, at church and in a whole host of places but it is not like when you talk to your bff.  I realize just how meaningful it is to me to feel like myself instead of a sense of nervous anxiety when I am hanging out because I do not “know” this person and they don’t “know” me.  To be honest I am not an easy person to get to “know” on a deeper lever.  I save that part of myself  for those special life long friendships which can make me a difficult casual friend but it is something I am okay with.

I realize this profound sense of absence I feel at this time in life is also due to the fact that my bff that lives with me, my husband is ever present yet we are not able to connect the way we used to.  Our life and marriage are different these days.  The addition of two small children and the responsibilities of adult life make our times to connect more difficult.  I realized this week as we sat and talked that I used to take this time with him for granted it was always available to me.  I treasure my life with him and now I know to treasure those times when we share our hearts with one another even more deeply.  I wish those times came as easily as they used to but at this moment in life that is just not the case.  We both work hard to make the time and space for our marriage and for that I am grateful but it is hard to have your best bff, the person who knows you so deeply and loves you because of it and in spite of it, living with you and yet there are days he is the person you talk to for the least amount of time.

My heart is a bit heavy because I miss my soul knowing friends and yet my heart is so grateful for their presence in my life.


Posted October 3, 2011 by shelvaleep in Life Lessons, Relationships

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3 responses to “Missing my bff’s

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  1. Oh, my beautiful friend. I know this pain, too. I miss you so much . . . and sometimes I wonder why we are the ones called to live away . . . but I am so grateful for phones and internet and this wacky blog we are writing because it keeps us tied together, even as the days of life stretch the distance of our friendship. Love you, Shel.

  2. One of my dearest friends recently moved to China for three years to follow her husband in a work assignment. I miss her SO much…even though we Skype and email and blog, it’s not the same as getting together for a cup of coffee, meandering the art fairs, or attending our husband’s choral concerts together.

    And Shel, I recall the way having children around changes your relationship with your husband. But those kids will be grown up and gone before you know it, and you will get you best friend back in a deeper and more satisfying way…hang in there!

  3. {deep, long, reflective sigh…equal parts of sad and happy}. Its good to hear that someone else struggles getting in a couple words with the bff they live with. Sometimes it feels so wrong or that we are not doing enough, but really its just the season we are in. Just gotta work extra hard to stay committed and connected. Yeah…remember those nice, long evenings with nothing going on but to sit for hours and share about your day, your hopes and dreams? Someone soon, once again. Love you much!!

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