I like where I am   2 comments

I have been home with my children for a year now and it has been difficult and wonderful all in the same moment.  I have always worked and I have been blessed to always love what I was doing but after working full-time in a very demanding ministry and birthing two children in two years I was ready to trade places with my husband the stay-at-home Dad.  So last year at this time we switched places and now he works full-time while I stay home although he does work from home so in many ways we have the best of both worlds.

I have struggled this past year to find my place as a stay-at-home Mom.  I never quite feel like I fit in mostly because I feel so out of my element.  I knew how to work full-time and be a Mom but honestly I didn ‘t know how to be a full-time Mom.  There were so many days when I felt inadequate, overwhelmed, and lousy in my new “position.”  Over the past year I have found a bit of a rhythm that seems to work for me, my kids, and our family although I understand it is always changing because it is a living breathing rhythm of life.

Over the year I have compared myself to others who seem to take to this role so naturally who seem to manage their home and lives with beauty and grace while I felt like a Clydesdale playing with miniature ponies, you know a bit clumsy.   A few examples are twice I have taken my two year old to her indoor soccer without her shoes and she had to play in her socks.  There was the time we went on vacation without my child having shoes and we had to buy some on our trip.  Oh yes there is the time one of my children dumped shovel fulls of sand down my other child’s pants and I had to turn them upside down to empty their pants because I had no diaper bag and several mother’s were cracking up.  Let’s not forget the jelly butt toast my youngest ate recently.  The list of oops go on and on although I can laugh at them as I experience the learning curve of my new role.

I have compared myself to much over the past  year and as I reflect I realize that I am so happy being me and I am content with the Mother I am to my children.  My dear friend reminds me that I am the perfect Mother for my children.  Over the year I have found the things I am great at and they are wonderful.  I am great at playing with my kids I mean awesome wonderful games.  We love to bake and cook together and many nights they help me make dinner.  We laugh a ton either over jokes or silly things that happen.  We do tons of crafts.  I have the time to listen to everything and anything they want to tell me.  I take care of myself.  I take great care of them.  I love them always.  I discipline in a loving yet firm way.  I explain and talk to them.  I treat them with respect and kindness.  I teach them to love others and be kind.  I read to them a ton.  I spend time with them.   I pray for them.  I snuggle them, I hug them, I kiss them.  I love them I love them I love them and I tell them all the time.  Over this year I have a thankful heart for the experiences and the memories and I have come to a place of peace that where I am right not is exactly where I am suppose to be.  I have also realized that being ME as a Mother is the best gift I can give my children.  I have never been a graceful woman who seems to glide through life.  I sort of plod along with a trip now and then, a laugh, a big heart, and a willing spirit to all that life has to teach  me it is never really pretty but it is who I am and these parts of me make me a great Mother.

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Posted November 3, 2011 by shelvaleep in Uncategorized

2 responses to “I like where I am

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  1. This is a profound statement “…I have a thankful heart for the experiences and the memories and I have come to a place of peace that where I am right not is exactly where I am suppose to be….” – it reminds me of the scripture, “Contentment with Godliness is great gain.” Great stuff!!!

  2. So please don’t take this the wrong way, but “I have never been a graceful woman who seems to glide through life” is SO you, in every phase of life…it has nothing to do with your inadequacies as a mother. And THAT is one of the reasons I love you. You’d be no fun without the “Shelva spin” you put on everything, or everything puts on you. 🙂

    And by the way, I was in awe of your mommy-bag, chock full of healthy snacks in portion sizes. Quite impressive! And…how DO all the other moms seem to have the correct cleats, ballet shoes, etc EVERYtime?? oh well!

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