What I’d Like Men to Do   1 comment

Dry erase boards slung around our necks like the canisters St. Bernard’s carry – this is what my friend Jansen and his friend Mr. H wished we women would wear to make our feelings and wishes known.  I can’t say I blame them – sometimes I can’t figure out whether I want a hug or a solitary cabin in the woods.  Women are confusing.

But lest men think they are erudite as a mountain lake, let me suggest what I would like men to do.  It’s really basic.  A natural function for most of us in society.

I would like men to talk. 

Now, I’m not saying I want them to just ramble on about anything.  I don’t need them to gossip or share tidbits about their children (unless they want to).  I don’t want men to do anything that seems to be what is misconstrued when women say they want men to communicate with them.  I just want men to talk, period.

For example, if you are tired and don’t feel like talking, I’d like him to put that on the table right away.  Or if you really want to go away with your friends for the weekend, I’d like him to lay that out there.  Or if a man is not interested in going on another date, I would like him to say so.  Or if a man – holy cow! – if a man is interested in having a date with me, I’d like him to say so. If he just wants to be left alone for the night or the weekend, I would like to hear that, too.  Anything, anything at all, so that I don’t have to try to read silence.

Women, by no means, have clear communication nailed, and I know some of us can be very cryptic and manipulative in how we communicate.  But at least we talk. Women are relational by nature? by socialization? by necessity? Men – I realize – are not so much so.

But for the sake of the women in your lives, guys, please talk to us.  You may hurt our feelings; we may not like what you say.  But trust me when I say that we don’t like trying to figure out what’s going on in that head of yours.

And if your response, fellows, is what many of my male friends has said to me – “We’re pretty straightforward and simple, Andi.  We probably are thinking about what we’re doing at the time. Not much else.” – then AWESOME.

But when it counts, please, please, please talk.

Looking back at Jansen’s post, I see this as our main challenge in communication between the genders – he wants it spoken without words, and I want us to just talk.  Hmm – how do we get past this?

So I’m asking you, men and women, how do we get past these communication barriers?  What’s the answer here?  How have you negotiated this challenging terrain successfully? 

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One response to “What I’d Like Men to Do

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  1. I’m used to doing a lot of “assuming” in trying to figure men out. I assume they mean one thing, or say something in a way to be interpreted another, or that I can get inside their heads and decipher what it is they’re thinking. But I can’t do any of that! It has taken me a long time to learn how to communicate properly after losing Kevin. Him and I talked constantly and there was never any hidden meanings. This time around, I am much more emotionally closed down, and I know that I need to express myself verbally as much as I want him to. I believe if one person is honest, and just ASKS, the other person is usually willing to talk about it – maybe not right then and there, but at some point in the near future.

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